Message: “Forgive and Forget” from Joe Summers

Joe Summers - August 23, 2026

Forgive and Forget

Lesson Goal: To understand what biblical forgiveness means, what it does not mean, and whether Christians are really commanded to “forgive and forget.” ________________________________________ I. Introduction — Most of us have heard the expression: “You need to forgive and forget.” It sounds biblical, but is it actually what the Bible teaches? Forgiveness is one of the central teachings of Christianity. We have received God's forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and God commands us to forgive others. But forgetting is different. Some experiences are impossible simply to erase from our memories. A person may forgive someone completely and still remember what happened. So today we will consider two important questions: 1. What does it mean to forgive? 2. What does it mean to forget? Opening Question Ask the class: Do you think it is possible to truly forgive someone while still remembering what they did? Why or why not? Allow several people to respond. ________________________________________ II. Why Christians Must Forgive — 8 Minutes Read Ephesians 4:31–32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you... And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Notice the reason Paul gives for forgiving others: We forgive because God has forgiven us. Christian forgiveness does not begin with the person who hurt us. It begins with what God has done for us. Every Christian has received forgiveness that he or she could never earn. Jesus also emphasizes forgiveness in Matthew 6:14–15. Our willingness to forgive others demonstrates that we understand the forgiveness we ourselves have received. Peter's Question In Matthew 18:21, Peter asked Jesus: “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” Peter probably thought seven times sounded generous. Jesus answered: “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Jesus was not giving Peter a mathematical limit. He was teaching that forgiveness should become part of the Christian's way of life. Discussion Why is it sometimes easier to accept God's forgiveness than to give forgiveness to someone else? ________________________________________ III. What Forgiveness Really Means — forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened. It means surrendering our personal right to revenge. Romans 12:19 says: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves... for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” When we forgive, we are saying: “I will not spend my life trying to make this person pay me back for what he or she did.” We turn justice over to God. That does not mean the action suddenly becomes acceptable. Wrong is still wrong. The hurt may still be real. There may still be consequences. But forgiveness releases us from living under the control of bitterness. Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Trust This distinction is very important. Forgiveness can be given. Trust usually has to be rebuilt. Suppose someone repeatedly lies to you. You can forgive that person. But forgiveness does not require you immediately to believe everything that person tells you. Trust may take time to rebuild. Forgiveness Is Not Always Reconciliation Reconciliation requires participation from both people. Forgiveness can begin with one. Romans 12:18 says: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The phrase “if it be possible” recognizes that sometimes complete reconciliation is not possible. We are responsible for our own heart and actions. We cannot control the response of another person. ________________________________________ IV. Does God Tell Us to Forgive and Forget? — 8 Minutes Here is where we need to be careful. The Bible repeatedly commands us to forgive. But it never gives us a general command that says: “Forgive and forget.” There are Scriptures in which God says He will remember sins no more. For example, Hebrews 8:12 says: “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.” Does that mean an all-knowing God literally loses His memory? No. It means God chooses not to hold those forgiven sins against us. That gives us a much better understanding of what “forgetting” can mean in forgiveness. We may remember what happened. But we choose not to continually use that offense as a weapon. There Is a Difference Between Remembering and Rehearsing A painful memory may return naturally. That is remembering. But repeatedly thinking about the offense, feeding our anger, imagining revenge, and telling ourselves again and again how badly we were treated is rehearsing the offense. We may not be able to control every memory. But we can decide what we do with the memory when it returns. Biblical forgiveness does not necessarily erase the memory. It changes the power that memory has over us. ________________________________________ V. Joseph — Forgiveness Without Amnesia — 7 Minutes One of the greatest examples is Joseph. Joseph's brothers: • Hated him. • Threw him into a pit. • Sold him into slavery. • Allowed their father to believe Joseph was dead. Years later, Joseph became one of the most powerful men in Egypt. His brothers eventually stood before him needing food. Joseph had the power to take revenge. And Joseph certainly remembered what they had done. In Genesis 50:20, he told them: “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good...” Notice something important. Joseph did not say: “You never did anything wrong.” He said: “You meant evil against me.” Joseph remembered the offense and recognized it for what it was. But he did not seek revenge. Instead, he said in verse 21: “Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones.” That is forgiveness. Joseph remembered the past without allowing the past to determine his future. Discussion Question What can Joseph's example teach us about the difference between forgiveness and forgetting? ________________________________________ VI. What Do I Do When the Hurt Comes Back? — 5 Minutes Sometimes we sincerely forgive someone, but several weeks or months later the hurt returns. We may wonder: “If I'm still hurt, does that mean I didn't really forgive?” Not necessarily. Forgiveness can be a decision made at a particular moment, while emotional healing may take much longer. When the memory returns, we can remind ourselves: “I have already placed this matter in God's hands.” Then we refuse to feed the bitterness again. Colossians 3:13 says: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another... even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Sometimes forgiveness is not something we feel before we do it. It is an act of obedience that our emotions gradually learn to follow. ________________________________________ VII. Practical Application — 3 Minutes Ask the class to consider these questions privately: Is there someone I have refused to forgive? Am I holding onto an offense because I want the other person to suffer? Have I confused forgiveness with immediately trusting someone again? Am I remembering something—or continually rehearsing it? Have I asked God to help me release this matter into His hands? Forgiveness does not say: “What happened didn't matter.” Forgiveness says: “What happened will no longer control my heart.” ________________________________________ VIII. Conclusion Christians are commanded to forgive. We are not commanded to erase our memories. Sometimes remembering past experiences even gives us wisdom and protects us from repeating the same mistakes. The goal is not necessarily to forget what happened. The goal is to remember it without hatred, bitterness, or a desire for revenge. We forgive because Christ first forgave us. Key Thought Forgiveness is not forgetting the past. It is refusing to let the past control the future. ________________________________________ Closing Prayer Father, thank You for the forgiveness You have given us through Jesus Christ. Help us to extend that same grace to those who have hurt us. Remove bitterness, anger, and the desire for revenge from our hearts. Give us wisdom where trust needs to be rebuilt and patience where healing takes time. When painful memories return, help us place them again into Your hands rather than allowing them to control us. Teach us to forgive as we have been forgiven. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Forgive and Forget? Understanding Biblical Forgiveness Main Scripture: Ephesians 4:31–32 Supporting Scriptures: Matthew 6:14–15; Matthew 18:21–35; Romans 12:17–21; Colossians 3:12–13; Genesis 50:15–21; Hebrews 8:12 Lesson Goal: To understand what biblical forgiveness means, what it does not mean, and whether Christians are really commanded to “forgive and forget.” ________________________________________ I. Introduction — Most of us have heard the expression: “You need to forgive and forget.” It sounds biblical, but is it actually what the Bible teaches? Forgiveness is one of the central teachings of Christianity. We have received God's forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and God commands us to forgive others. But forgetting is different. Some experiences are impossible simply to erase from our memories. A person may forgive someone completely and still remember what happened. So today we will consider two important questions: 1. What does it mean to forgive? 2. What does it mean to forget? Opening Question Ask the class: Do you think it is possible to truly forgive someone while still remembering what they did? Why or why not? Allow several people to respond. ________________________________________ II. Why Christians Must Forgive — 8 Minutes Read Ephesians 4:31–32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you... And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Notice the reason Paul gives for forgiving others: We forgive because God has forgiven us. Christian forgiveness does not begin with the person who hurt us. It begins with what God has done for us. Every Christian has received forgiveness that he or she could never earn. Jesus also emphasizes forgiveness in Matthew 6:14–15. Our willingness to forgive others demonstrates that we understand the forgiveness we ourselves have received. Peter's Question In Matthew 18:21, Peter asked Jesus: “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” Peter probably thought seven times sounded generous. Jesus answered: “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Jesus was not giving Peter a mathematical limit. He was teaching that forgiveness should become part of the Christian's way of life. Discussion Why is it sometimes easier to accept God's forgiveness than to give forgiveness to someone else? ________________________________________ III. What Forgiveness Really Means — forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened. It means surrendering our personal right to revenge. Romans 12:19 says: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves... for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” When we forgive, we are saying: “I will not spend my life trying to make this person pay me back for what he or she did.” We turn justice over to God. That does not mean the action suddenly becomes acceptable. Wrong is still wrong. The hurt may still be real. There may still be consequences. But forgiveness releases us from living under the control of bitterness. Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Trust This distinction is very important. Forgiveness can be given. Trust usually has to be rebuilt. Suppose someone repeatedly lies to you. You can forgive that person. But forgiveness does not require you immediately to believe everything that person tells you. Trust may take time to rebuild. Forgiveness Is Not Always Reconciliation Reconciliation requires participation from both people. Forgiveness can begin with one. Romans 12:18 says: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The phrase “if it be possible” recognizes that sometimes complete reconciliation is not possible. We are responsible for our own heart and actions. We cannot control the response of another person. ________________________________________ IV. Does God Tell Us to Forgive and Forget? — 8 Minutes Here is where we need to be careful. The Bible repeatedly commands us to forgive. But it never gives us a general command that says: “Forgive and forget.” There are Scriptures in which God says He will remember sins no more. For example, Hebrews 8:12 says: “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.” Does that mean an all-knowing God literally loses His memory? No. It means God chooses not to hold those forgiven sins against us. That gives us a much better understanding of what “forgetting” can mean in forgiveness. We may remember what happened. But we choose not to continually use that offense as a weapon. There Is a Difference Between Remembering and Rehearsing A painful memory may return naturally. That is remembering. But repeatedly thinking about the offense, feeding our anger, imagining revenge, and telling ourselves again and again how badly we were treated is rehearsing the offense. We may not be able to control every memory. But we can decide what we do with the memory when it returns. Biblical forgiveness does not necessarily erase the memory. It changes the power that memory has over us. ________________________________________ V. Joseph — Forgiveness Without Amnesia — 7 Minutes One of the greatest examples is Joseph. Joseph's brothers: • Hated him. • Threw him into a pit. • Sold him into slavery. • Allowed their father to believe Joseph was dead. Years later, Joseph became one of the most powerful men in Egypt. His brothers eventually stood before him needing food. Joseph had the power to take revenge. And Joseph certainly remembered what they had done. In Genesis 50:20, he told them: “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good...” Notice something important. Joseph did not say: “You never did anything wrong.” He said: “You meant evil against me.” Joseph remembered the offense and recognized it for what it was. But he did not seek revenge. Instead, he said in verse 21: “Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones.” That is forgiveness. Joseph remembered the past without allowing the past to determine his future. Discussion Question What can Joseph's example teach us about the difference between forgiveness and forgetting? ________________________________________ VI. What Do I Do When the Hurt Comes Back? — 5 Minutes Sometimes we sincerely forgive someone, but several weeks or months later the hurt returns. We may wonder: “If I'm still hurt, does that mean I didn't really forgive?” Not necessarily. Forgiveness can be a decision made at a particular moment, while emotional healing may take much longer. When the memory returns, we can remind ourselves: “I have already placed this matter in God's hands.” Then we refuse to feed the bitterness again. Colossians 3:13 says: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another... even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Sometimes forgiveness is not something we feel before we do it. It is an act of obedience that our emotions gradually learn to follow. ________________________________________ VII. Practical Application — 3 Minutes Ask the class to consider these questions privately: Is there someone I have refused to forgive? Am I holding onto an offense because I want the other person to suffer? Have I confused forgiveness with immediately trusting someone again? Am I remembering something—or continually rehearsing it? Have I asked God to help me release this matter into His hands? Forgiveness does not say: “What happened didn't matter.” Forgiveness says: “What happened will no longer control my heart.” ________________________________________ VIII. Conclusion Christians are commanded to forgive. We are not commanded to erase our memories. Sometimes remembering past experiences even gives us wisdom and protects us from repeating the same mistakes. The goal is not necessarily to forget what happened. The goal is to remember it without hatred, bitterness, or a desire for revenge. We forgive because Christ first forgave us. Key Thought Forgiveness is not forgetting the past. It is refusing to let the past control the future. ________________________________________ Closing Prayer Father, thank You for the forgiveness You have given us through Jesus Christ. Help us to extend that same grace to those who have hurt us. Remove bitterness, anger, and the desire for revenge from our hearts. Give us wisdom where trust needs to be rebuilt and patience where healing takes time. When painful memories return, help us place them again into Your hands rather than allowing them to control us. Teach us to forgive as we have been forgiven. In Jesus' name, Amen.