Message: “Forgiveness and Repentance” from Joe Summers

Joe Summers - August 30, 2026

Forgiveness and Repentance

Forgiveness and Repentance: Must Someone Repent Before I Forgive? Key Scriptures: Luke 17:3–4; Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14–15; Romans 12:17–21; Ephesians 4:31–32; Colossians 3:13 Main Question: Must someone repent before we forgive them? Lesson Goal: To understand the relationship between repentance and forgiveness and to distinguish forgiveness from reconciliation and restoration of trust. ________________________________________ 1. Introduction and Review Last Sunday we considered forgiveness and what it means to forgive and “forget.” Today we are going one step deeper. Suppose someone seriously hurts you. They know they hurt you, but they never apologize. They show no remorse. Perhaps they even insist that they did nothing wrong. Are you still required to forgive them? Jesus gives us two statements that initially seem to pull us in different directions. Luke 17:3–4 “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” Here Jesus specifically connects forgiveness with repentance. But consider Mark 11:25: “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone...” Here Jesus does not mention repentance. Opening Discussion 1. Must someone ask for forgiveness before you can forgive them? 2. What if they refuse to admit they did anything wrong? 3. Is forgiving someone the same thing as restoring your relationship with that person? 4. Can you forgive someone and still not trust them? Key thought: We need to understand that forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust are related—but they are not identical. ________________________________________ 2. What Is Repentance? Before asking whether repentance is necessary for forgiveness, we need to understand repentance. Repentance is more than simply saying: “I'm sorry.” Biblical repentance involves recognizing that something was wrong and turning away from it. Luke 17:3 Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” Notice the sequence: Sin → confrontation → repentance → forgiveness Jesus does not tell us to pretend the offense never happened. In fact, He says: “Rebuke him.” Sometimes love requires us to tell someone that what they did was wrong. Discussion Question What's the difference between these statements? • “I'm sorry you got upset.” • “I'm sorry, but you made me angry.” • “I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. Please forgive me.” The first two can avoid responsibility. The third acknowledges wrongdoing. Genuine repentance normally includes: • Recognizing the wrong. • Taking responsibility. • Expressing genuine sorrow. • Seeking forgiveness. • Making an effort to change. Repentance doesn't mean that a person will never fail again. It means that the person recognizes the wrong and desires to turn away from it. ________________________________________ 3. Must Someone Repent Before We Forgive Them? Now we come to our central question. There are passages emphasizing repentance. Luke 17:3–4 Jesus says: “If he repents, forgive him.” Even if someone sins repeatedly and repeatedly comes back in repentance, Jesus tells us to forgive. But there are also passages emphasizing our responsibility to have a forgiving heart, regardless of what the offender does. Mark 11:25 “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone...” And Paul writes: Ephesians 4:31–32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you... Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This helps us make an important distinction. A Forgiving Heart vs. Reconciliation Even when someone refuses to repent, I can refuse to hold hatred, bitterness, or revenge in my heart. I can say: “I will not allow what this person did to control my heart. I will not seek revenge. I place justice in God's hands.” That is something I can do regardless of what the other person chooses. But reconciliation requires participation from both people. Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of a broken bridge. Forgiveness can begin on my side. Reconciliation requires movement from both sides. Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice Paul's wording: “If possible.” And: “So far as it depends on you.” Sometimes peace does not depend entirely upon us. Important Principle I am responsible for my heart and my actions. I am not responsible for forcing another person to repent. I can release bitterness and vengeance while still recognizing that the relationship cannot be fully restored until the problem is addressed. ________________________________________ 4. Does God Forgive Without Repentance? This question takes us even deeper. God desires forgiveness and reconciliation. 2 Peter 3:9 God is: “not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” God offers forgiveness, but Scripture repeatedly calls people to repent and receive that forgiveness. Acts 2:38 Peter tells the people: “Repent...” So we can distinguish between: Forgiveness being offered and Forgiveness being received and the relationship being restored. The cross demonstrates God's willingness to forgive. Jesus even prayed concerning those crucifying Him: Luke 23:34 “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Jesus' heart was not controlled by revenge. Yet throughout the New Testament people are still called to repent, believe, and turn to God. Discussion Question What does this teach us about our own relationships? Perhaps we can have a heart that is ready and willing to forgive even before the offender changes. ________________________________________ 5. Forgiveness Does Not Automatically Mean Reconciliation This distinction is extremely important. Suppose someone lies to you repeatedly. Eventually you discover the lies. They apologize. Should you forgive them? Yes. Does that mean you must immediately trust everything they say? No. Forgiveness and trust are not identical. Forgiveness can be given. Trust must often be rebuilt. If someone steals money from you and later apologizes, you may forgive that person while still deciding: “I'm not going to give you access to my bank account.” That isn't necessarily unforgiveness. It may simply be wisdom. Likewise, forgiveness does not mean remaining in a situation where someone continues harmful behavior. Four Different Things Repentance: The offender recognizes the wrong and turns from it. Forgiveness: The offended person releases resentment and personal vengeance. Reconciliation: The relationship between two people is restored. Trust: Confidence in the other person's character and behavior is rebuilt. These things often work together, but they are not the same thing. ________________________________________ 6. What About Repeated Offenses? Peter once asked Jesus: Matthew 18:21 “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Peter probably thought seven times sounded extremely generous. Jesus answered: Matthew 18:22 “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” The point isn't to keep a notebook: Offense #76 — forgiven. Offense #77 — forgiven. Offense #78 — now I'm finished! Jesus is teaching that forgiveness should characterize the Christian life. Luke makes the challenge even stronger. Luke 17:4 “If he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Imagine that. Seven offenses. Seven repentances. One day. Jesus says: Forgive him. Why? Because Christians live as people who themselves depend upon God's mercy. ________________________________________ 7. What If They Never Repent? This may be the hardest situation. Someone hurts us and never apologizes. Perhaps they never even acknowledge the hurt. What can we do? Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God...” We can: • Refuse personal revenge. • Ask God to remove bitterness from our hearts. • Pray for the person. • Remain willing to forgive and reconcile if genuine repentance occurs. • Establish appropriate boundaries when necessary. • Leave ultimate justice with God. Forgiveness does not require us to call evil good. It does not require us to pretend nothing happened. And it does not require us to place ourselves repeatedly in a position to be harmed. Instead, we surrender our personal desire for vengeance to God. ________________________________________ 8. Closing Discussion and Application Return to our opening question: Must someone repent before we forgive them? A helpful way to answer is: Repentance is important for full reconciliation, but my willingness to forgive cannot be controlled by another person's willingness to repent. I can choose not to live in bitterness. I can relinquish revenge. I can place justice in God's hands. I can maintain a heart ready for reconciliation. But if the offender refuses to acknowledge the wrong, the relationship itself may remain broken. Final Questions 1. Is there someone I am waiting to punish emotionally until they apologize? 2. Am I confusing forgiveness with trust? 3. Have I claimed to forgive someone while continuing to seek revenge? 4. Is there someone I need to approach in repentance? 5. Is there a relationship where forgiveness has occurred but trust still needs time to rebuild? ________________________________________ Closing Thought Forgiveness does not say: “What you did doesn't matter.” Forgiveness says: “What you did matters, but I will not allow your sin against me to become bitterness within me.” Repentance opens the door to reconciliation. Forgiveness keeps our own heart from being imprisoned by resentment. And when reconciliation is possible, Christians should pursue it. Closing Prayer Father, thank You for the forgiveness You have shown us. Help us recognize when we have sinned and give us humility to repent. When others hurt us, protect our hearts from bitterness and revenge. Give us wisdom to understand the difference between forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust. Help us to forgive as You have taught us, seek peace wherever possible, and place justice in Your hands. In Jesus' name, Amen.